12 Tips If You're New to Therapy (and a List of Memphis Based Therapists)
Thinking about starting your mental health journey with therapy? Read these 12 tips that I've learned from my own therapy experiences so that you can start off on the right foot!
I can’t tell you how many times people and clients have told me, “wow you’re like a workplace therapist or something!” I laugh with them as I know it’s a joke but I remind them that I am NOT a licensed mental health professional.
I usually spend time in my first session with a client ensuring that they know the difference between coaching, courses, mentoring, and therapy and to not have expectations of me as a licensed mental health professional.
My favorite way to explain it is that therapy digs into your past in depth. What happened to you as a child? What was your relationship with your parents over the years? What kind of traumatic experiences have you had and how did it affect your present? Therapists know the right questions to ask and how to translate your responses to help increase your awareness and identify solutions to improve your perspectives and behaviors. Your therapist will give you guidance about your experiences and help you process them in a healthy way.
Coaching however focuses more on the present. Where are you now? What are the challenges you’re experiencing? Where are you trying to go? I won’t dig too deeply into the past of my client, and I definitely won’t try to analyze your traumatic experiences. We may talk a little bit about the past but no where near the amount that a therapist would. But I am here to be a thought partner with you. We’re going to talk about what issue you’re trying to solve, what you’ve done so far about it, and what are some viable options for you in taking the next best step to make progress. I have to ask the right questions to both increase your awareness of your thoughts/actions as well as help you think through solutions that can help improve your situation.
Do you see the similarities and differences?
Long story short, if you’ve had some traumatic past instances that is causing a roadblock in improving your skills or changing your behavior, that’s when the ICF Code of Ethics rings a bell in my mind that it’s time to refer you to a licensed mental health professional. They are well equipped in how to handle you and the situation in the healthiest manner possible.
So of course, as I started coaching, I knew I needed a list on hand to refer people to. I asked my therapist who I’ve been going to for 6 years now for her recommendations. She graciously gave me a great list to use when needed.
Interestingly enough, lately I’ve seen a lot of people ask for therapist recommendations. There’s plenty of stuff going on in the world so I fully get it, and I think that’s great that people are even taking that first humbling step to just ask for help.
Which leads me to this, my list of therapist recommendations given to me by my A+ therapist herself. Now she herself isn’t listed as a big point of her even having this list is because she no longer has the capacity to take on new clients. However I’m hoping that if you or if anyone you know needs a therapist that’s based in Memphis that this resource can be helpful to you!
But first, let me say great job for taking the first step. So many people are too prideful to seek mental health support, and trust me, all of their friends, family, and co-workers, are paying for it! I remember the saying that people go to therapy to help them deal with people who refuse to go to therapy, and I still think that’s oh so true.
If you’re starting therapy for the first time, here’s 10 nuggets of advice I would give you so that you’re prepared for the experience!
#1: Don’t expect your problems to be solved in the first session.
The first session is meant to be an introductory session. You likely will not jump right into the depths of the issue that you want to resolve in therapy. Rather this is the time for you and your therapist to get to know each other.
Ask all the questions you want about your therapist’s professional background and approach. Your therapist will ask basic questions about you and try to get a better understanding of your situation overall that you want to resolve. This helps them to also evaluate if they are equipped to help you.
If they feel you are a better fit for another therapist that they recommend, please don’t take it offensively. You should want that as you never want a therapist that is so money hungry that they’ll keep you on as a client knowing that they can’t give you the best care.
So really pay attention in that first session. Is this a therapist that you feel comfortable opening up to? Do you two seem to have a good fit in how you communicate? This is the time to do this!
#2: Get a therapy journal.
Use this to take notes during your session as well as any action steps that your therapist assigns you. Also journal about your journey as you work on whatever issue that you’re going through. That will help you process your thoughts and give you a written record of things that you can share with your therapist about your experiences so that you don’t forget anything.
#3: Finding a therapist isn’t always easy.
The therapist I have right now is my 3rd therapist. The other two were kind but just weren’t a good match for me. Remember that finding a therapist is like finding any kind of doctor. It takes time to find a good OBGYN, a good Primary Care Physician, a good Dentist, etc. The same for finding a good therapist. BUT it’s worth the effort! Because once you found the right one, you can then really focus on your improvement.
#4: Remember that your job benefits may cover your therapy costs.
Before you assume that you can’t afford therapy, just do an in depth study of your benefits package. If you’re still confused, reach out to your job’s HR department and ask to speak with the Benefits administrator. Ask all the questions you need to ask. You’re not being a bother. This is part of their job to answer questions so ASK!
You want to ask as some companies will fully pay for all of your therapy. Some will fully pay for a select number of sessions. Others will just ensure that you get deeply discounted access because your insurance covers a large portion of it. That’s free money! So look into it before you assume that your insurance can’t help.
#5: There are some discounted or even free therapy services unrelated to your health insurance.
Do your research! Don’t just assume that you can’t get the therapy services you need because money is tight right now. I have a few websites listed down below that offers financial assistance if you need it. Google search around before you assume that you can’t afford it.
#6: Your therapist may say something that will piss you off.
Remember that your therapist is there to not only help you work through issues but to also build your self-awareness. Sometimes in building self-awareness, that means they are going to push you to face hard truths about yourself. Many times that will not feel good to hear in the moment. KEEP GOING.
This is where people give up on therapy because they can’t sit through that discomfort and face themselves. But if you do sit through it, you can come out so much stronger at the end of it. Don’t give up on yourself. Keep going. Just journal your feelings about it. That’s what it’s there for.
#7: Be careful of who you open up to about what you’re learning in therapy.
Being in this place of emotional growth can put you in a vulnerable emotional and mental position. The last thing you want is for someone who hasn’t dealt with their own issues trying to give you advice about your trauma and their opinions about the therapist you’re talking to.
I’d highly recommend to not open up about your therapy journey with anyone who hasn’t gone through therapy themselves. You can easily set yourself up with getting the wrong voices and opinions stuck in your head during this growth journey and that can end up setting you back a bit.
#8: It’s okay to speak up to say you disagree with something that your therapist said.
I’m looking at all of you that have ever went to the salon to get your hair done and it didn’t come out in the way you wanted it to and yet you didn’t speak up. Or if you’ve gone to restaurant and they messed up your order, yet you said nothing. This is the time to work on speaking up for yourself.
Share with your therapist if there’s something you disagree with in their assessment of you. They may have explained it wrong. They may have misinterpreted something that you said. Your therapist is still human so they won’t get everything 100% right.
But we go to them because they’ve spent YEARS investing in their education and practice in studying human behavior with close oversight so I guarantee that their insights, although not always perfect, will put you in a way better place than not talking to them. So speak up so that neither one of you will waste any time in addressing the wrong issue.
#9: Speaking of which, BE HONEST WITH YOUR THERAPIST.
I know this should sound like an obvious thing as if I'm insulting you by including it, but you’ll be surprised at how many people will flat out lie to their therapist because they are THAT uncomfortable with the truth. You will not get better emotionally and mentally if you’re not honest about what your situation. You will literally just be wasting your time AND your therapist time. But I mean, at least your therapist is getting paid for it.
So rather the question is, why would you waste your own time? You don’t have anything better to do than to lie to a professional that you’re paying? You’ll be paying someone to lie to them. That doesn’t add up! As one of my favorite sayings go, the math ain’t mathing!
So be honest, no matter how uncomfortable it feels, no matter how uneasy it feels. I promise your therapist has probably heard worse and even if they haven’t, they know better than to make you feel uncomfortable in any way with their reaction. Remember that they have a code of ethics too so it will be kept only between you and them. So trade in those few moments of uncomfortably for some hard truths. You’ll be surprised of how much of a lifted weight from your shoulders will feel like when you finally share that guarded secret or feeling.
#10: You get to choose how frequently you have your therapy sessions.
Of course your therapist may give a recommendation depending on the issue you’re working on which I would say you should adhere to, but overall you get to decide when and what time.
Now don’t try to schedule a session for multiple times in a week. That’s a bit excessive as it doesn’t give you enough time to process what you learned from your sessions and to even act on anything that your therapist assigns you.* Remember that this is a journey not a microwavable option to heal.
I’d say starting out every 2 weeks is pretty standard. However if you’re in a bit of a crisis or deep traumatic situation going on, your therapist may recommend that you meet with them every week. When I first started therapy, I was going every week. Then eventually I went to every other week. Now I only go once a month to check in. Then there may be a day where I say, you know what I’m going to just go once a quarter to check in instead.
As you learn, grow, and put in the work, you’ll start to feel more comfortable easing into lesser sessions. Your therapist will give you that feedback too when they start seeing improvement.
*Side Note: If you feel that you’re in a very intense place in your life where constant care is actually the speed you need, know that they are organizations that you can check yourself into to fully focus on your mental health. But I would still recommend talking to a therapist first to see if that’s the best option for you and your situation.
#11: Do not schedule a therapy session right before you have to tend to a responsibility that involves other people.
I’ll never forget with a different therapist that I have now, I scheduled a lunch session. I was boo-hoo crying by the end of it and had to rush to pull myself together afterwards because I had a professional development class I had to teach at work in 30 minutes. That was NOT a wise decision.
You never know which direction your therapy session can go. When it goes deep, it can go DEEP. So make sure you’re creating space for yourself to explore and process that. I always try to schedule my sessions for when I know I’ll have some time to myself afterwards to process and digest what we talked about. I especially made sure not to plan or schedule attending an event or social gathering of any sort afterwards. Depending on the session, you may feel emotionally and mentally drained by the time it ends. So create the space afterwards to ensure that you can properly heal and recover from the hard mental and emotional work that comes with therapy.
#12: Remember that therapy is an investment in yourself.
Just like it’s a good health practice to get regular teeth cleanings and physicals done, so is checking in on your mental health. You should want to be the best version of yourself so that you can live the best life you can where you’re not getting into your own way. This is a great option to do just that. Invest in your own mental care so that you can be an amazing human being for everyone that is close to you and is around you. You’ll be so glad that you did.
So as promised, below are the Memphis based therapists and some mental health organizations that help you find therapists even outside of Memphis. I added a few that was recommended from my therapist friend as well. Stay positive and know that healing takes time. Be patient with yourself and take your time as you grow, learn, and heal in this journey.
