Do It Afraid
On turning 37, birthday cake, and fully betting on myself
Humbly I admit that I ate an ungodly amount of cake for my birthday. It was DELICIOUS. I got a strawberry shortcake from Whole Foods and every bite was heavenly. Highly recommend.
And each bite attributed to my demise as I went from celebrating hitting 159lb that previous week to going right back up to 168 by the end of that next week.
Yep. I ate really good in celebrating my birthday. No regrets.
I got to spend time with some of my closest friends, people that have been in my community for years, decades even for some. People that have seen me in my worst. People who have encouraged me as I had tears in my eyes. They prayed for me. They held me accountable. They’ve supported me. And I’m so unbelievably grateful for them. These are people who I look forward to continuing my friendship with into year 37.
But there’s some things that I’m not okay with taking into my next year.
I have several items on that list which I have shared more about in the video for this article. But the top one is a fear of not fully betting on myself. Unfortunately I’ve allowed myself to live in that fear for many years, but after taking some time to deeply reflect, it’s time to wrap that up.
I was afraid that I may hit a level of success that people will expect me to sustain over time. So yea I may hit the goal that I want, but how do I keep the progress going?
How do you keep what you built relevant?
How do you ensure that you keep growing?
Will you meet a high in your success only to turn around and crash into the ground?
The vulnerability it requires scares me.
What’s funny about fear is that you have no evidence that it will 100% happen, but it becomes enough to change your behavior and your faith in yourself.
You see, I’ve always been very introverted. Being in the shadows felt comfortable. Most of my life if I volunteered, I chose to be as far back in the background as possible. Now there were many times that I did try to tip toe out but something always happened that scared me back into my original position.
But with how passionate I’ve become lately as a coach in talent development to see my clients thrive, I want to see more of it for more people. I want to do what I can to support others in their confidence, having tough conversations, saying no, or reinforcing boundaries.
That’s why this blog exists, and I’m extending it back to youtube as well. Only this time I’m going to stop caving into my moments of fear.
I mean I have a good open rate. This blog has risen to almost 100 subscribers with 3 paid subscribers (shoutout to yall for that level of support - Prentiss, Sydney, and Elle). By normal means, I have good enough numbers to validate myself to keep going.
Then I kept getting random people from work, random texts from friends, and other messages from people that I didn’t even know was reading my articles who told me how much they enjoyed what I was writing.
Hearing that I was creating some type of positive impact on other people made me realize that I need to really sit with this and figure out why I’m so scared to consistently keep going.
So now we’re back to where we started with this article. Knowing that I don’t want to bring this type of fear into 37. My promise to myself is to write an article at least every other week and upload a video to youtube on alternating weeks for a year consistently starting this week and just see what happens. Only after that full year of consistency would I decide if I should stop or continue.
So join me on the journey. Be my accountability partner to keep my promise to myself to do this. Subscribe to this blog if you haven’t already and/or subscribe to the youtube channel.
And maybe take a moment to reflect for yourself:
At this stage of your life, what are you most afraid of?
What regrets are you in danger of experiencing?
What are you assuming that you have plenty of time to do?
You may need to take some time to reflect yourself. There’s 9 more months to year. Make it count! Do something you’ll be proud of.
Don’t overwhelm yourself and burn yourself out BUT what’s a reasonable goal that you’ve been putting off for whatever reason?
What’s the worst that can happen? But also what’s the BEST that can happen? It’s unfair to you to only think about the negative and not the positive that can come from the outcomes.
Then how much time can you afford to bet on yourself? I’m going through to 38. I’ve even made a backup plan of if this doesn’t succeed then I’m getting off all socials and focusing on living my life privately which is an introvert’s dream so it actually doesn’t make this as scary! But ohhhh if it succeeds, I will get another strawberry shortcake from Whole Foods and I will eat my heart again.
So if you see a picture of this cake at the end of the year, you already know what I’m about to say! But if you see a mini-version of this cake, just know that I’m still celebrating me for trying. For my effort. For betting on myself. For ensuring that I live life without regrets.
To me that’s a win-win situation. And the same is for you, my friend.
So what are you reaching after? It’s time to get started.
Do it afraid.
Warmly with a cup of tea,
Rachel
